when are you a grown up?

Rather, what’s the definition of “grown-up”?

This post is inspired by a brief conversation with my friend Ty, this morning.  He asked me what the definition of ” grown-up”…and I gave kind of a blanket answer: minding your business and handling your own, paying your bills, being responsible- and if you have others who you are responsible to (ie: kids, spouse, etc.), then taking care of that.

Then Ty gave me the list of the things that he has heard defines being a “grown-up”:

• When you stop chasing women
• When you start taking in account the opinion of others
• It’s a mind state
• When your life gets boring
• When you have your first kid
• When you get your first job
• As soon as you’re done with school

We also talked about the fact that some people are forced to grow up due to circumstances in their life, and that being a “grown up” doesn’t equate to maturity- and neither does age.

Ty expressed that he’s more so concerned with the stereotype of being an adult- and how it seems that adults have no fun.  They just work Monday-Friday, have family time on the weekends, and a week of vacation in the summer.  Otherwise, it’s a pretty monotonous life.

So…when are you grown up…and what’s the definition of being grown up?

The State of Education in Georgia

This article made me REALLY sad this morning…

An excerpt:

“Georgia school leaders were so shocked by dismal scores on state math and social studies tests, the state superintendent released a statement Monday to prepare parents and others for the results.

According to the unofficial results, only 20 to 30 percent of Georgia’s sixth- and seventh-graders passed the state social studies exam. In math, about 40 percent of eighth-graders could be held back because they failed the test.

The state will release official scores from the Criterion-Referenced Competency Tests next month.

Parents whose children failed the math test will be notified by local schools. The state requires eighth-graders to pass the reading and math exams to move to high school.

Students who failed math exams — as well as those who might have failed reading — can retake the exam this summer. Schools will provide optional free classes to get them ready. Students who failed the social studies exam don’t face any consequences under Georgia law.”

I’m frustrated by the low test scores…and the fact that there’s no consequences for failing the Social Studies exam- basically saying that Social Studies IS NOT important.  Sigh.  Your thoughts?

Good times with good people…

What I Wish I’d Known- Part 3

So, this post has sort of become a tradition for me. After graduating from UNC in 2005, I was unable to attend the 2006 UNC Graduation, so I wrote an entry on what I wish I’d known when I’d graduated from college. Last year, because of my own graduation from UGA, I was unable to attend the 2007 UNC Graduation…and so I wrote another entry on what I’d wish I’d known when I’d graduated from college. I decided that I’d share these with my friends who were venturing out in the world, with hopes that it would be a bit of encouragement as they would face a world that is not always kind.

So, as graduation season is among us again- it’s time for Part 3 of What I Wish I’d Known When I Graduated from College

1. Work Experience is equally, if not more valuable, than Graduate School

As I write, I’m completing my first year at my first real job. And while Graduate School was helpful in the process of gaining knowledge towards what I will eventually be doing, I’m almost certain that having prior job experience would have assisted me greatly on this job. Don’t get me wrong- I’m a HUGE proponent of education and advanced degrees- especially in this economy and in these times. However, the skills that are gained from the first job are so valuable. Don’t rush graduate school- it’ll be there. Go find that first job that you feel overqualified for so that you can be humbled.

2. You’re figuring it out- just like everyone else

The adjustments from school to the real world are challenging. Being an adult with real responsibilities can put you in shock. Trust me. It all happens so fast. I’ve spent a lot of time talking with and observing some adults that I admire, and what I value the most is that like me, they’re still trying to figure it all out. No one has all the answers; we all just have our experiences. At best, we’re taking it one day at a time, learning from past situations, and hoping not to make the same mistakes twice. Don’t be afraid to not know, and enjoy the process of figuring it out.

3. Gasp! You might be like your parents!

For most of my entire life, I’ve heard how much I look like my mom- and I’ve never seen it until last week. I realized that all of the people who had told me that over the course of the last 24 years were somewhat correct. However, what I really mean is that you will find yourself doing things that your parents have done- and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Honestly, learning from their mistakes and their good decisions is very wise- and can serve you well. Besides, your parents did provide YOU. And that’s a good thing.

4. You might not be who you think you are

I think I’ve said before how college really elevates your sense of self-esteem, and how it really makes you feel like you are somebody (and you are!). While college can show you what you’re made of, it’s not until you go out in the world that you really figure out who you are- and you might not be the person that you thought you were. Your friends might not be the people that you thought they were, either. As we go out of our collegiate bubble, life happens- and we grow, change, and adapt to it. As that happens, we realize who we are- and that who we were in college is only a hint of who we will become.

So that’s all! Congratulations Class of 2008! Best wishes for your future!

Links to previous “What I Wish I’d Known Entries”:

From 2007

From 2006

what happens when you outgrow your friends?

I’ve been wondering this for a while- what happens when you outgrow your friends?  It is even possible to outgrow your friends?  My thought is that it is- and the proof is that we all know people who were our friends at different points in our lives.  You’ve got your college friends, your friends who you were cool with in high school, the elementary buddies that you’ve managed to stay in touch with, and then the people that you meet at your jobs, etc.

The proximity of closeness changes in friendships based on a number of different things.  My personal frustrations with my own friends tends to be based out of the fact that it seems like LIFE is happening to us, and “busyness” seems to be the excuse for why we haven’t talked in forever.  Now, I know how I operate- and as a friend, you can rank me pretty high on the “most likely to not return a phone call” list.  However, in my defense- I send emails…and cards…and I text.  Just a different means of expression.  But, I feel like in the lives of friends “busyness” should never be an appropriate excuse.  Why?  Because it’s a convenience.  We’re all busy.  We all have different things pulling us in different directions.  But, you make time for what’s important.  So, when I hear, “I’ve been so busy”, what I understand is “I don’t really have time for you.”  Hmm…

…but I digress.  So, what do you do when you outgrow your friends and how do you know when that has taken place?  Do you just count your losses and acknowledge that it was good for what it was, when it was?  Has it happened when you realized that you haven’t talked for months, and if someone asked you what was good with the person, you honestly wouldn’t know?  And how do you handle that situation?

“The best discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”

“There’s these people you’ve known forever.  Who like…know you…in this way that other people can’t.  Because they’ve seen you change.  They’ve let you change.” ~My So-Called Life

choosing to love

In some ways, I’m sort of amazed by the title. I mean, it is what I came up with. However, why is it that we have to choose to love? Shouldn’t that be something that happens automatically?

A good friend of mine and I are in similar situations, and we’re both taking the opportunity to choose to love. As females, (and we pride ourselves on being STRONG females), we’ve found it particularly difficult to express the freedom and vulnerability that comes with choosing to love. It’s not that we’re in love. We’re really just in like…and exploring what could come. But even in this- there has to be an openness and a freedom of being able to give it your all- even if it doesn’t turn out right.

And then you ask yourself- doesn’t that person deserve my best? This person just came along at this point in the journey. They aren’t responsible for what happened before. They can’t change what happened before. None of us can change what happened before. All we’re given is now- and we’ve got to make it count. I’m feeling that the best way to make it count is by consciously choosing to love.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.” ~ 1 John 4:18, 19

2008 election

I haven’t had much to say on anyone’s blog about the 2008 election, and I’ll keep my thoughts about it here pretty simple:

1.  I’m glad that I’m able to see a campaign that presents a woman and an African American as serious candidates.  As children, we are taught that we can accomplish anything.  Many a child has dreamt of becoming the President of the United States.  This election reminds us that “there’s never been anything false about hope”.

2.  I really hope that after the primaries this week, the super delegates will decide which candidate they are supporting.  The longer this goes on, the less time the Democratic Party has to deal with Senator McCain and the Republican Party.

3.  I’m particularly disappointed by the way the media has used the 30 second sound bite from Rev. Jeremiah Wright to attack Senator Obama, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, and the African American church.

4.  I’m glad that this election has re-energized America about politics and the political process.  Other than in POLI 41, I don’t recall talking about super delegates to anyone.

So yeah…I’ll leave it at that…those are my thoughts on the 2008 Election.