Coming Back as a Black Woman

My aunt sent me this via email (she always sends me cute forwards when she’s at work, making me wonder if she REALLY has a job) and I really liked it, so I thought I’d post it here:

COMING BACK BLACK

In a round table discussion about whether reincarnation was really possible, a financially struggling single woman said, “I want to come back as a rich white woman’s poodle that’s pampered and rides around all day in her luxury car.”

A tired waitress said, “I want to come back rich and make a lot of money and be a mega-super recording star”.

The frustrated computer tech said, “If I can come back, I want to be the President, so I can change a lot of things about this world near andfar.”

Another woman thought about it and said, “I don’t know if it’s possible, but if I can… God, please let me come back a BLACK WOMAN.

I want to come back with a mind fierce and sharp, with a spiritual faith that never waivers or doubts. With a smile that is warm, and a body divine – with honey, cinnamon or chocolate skin, draped in purple and gold. And, whether young or old, always have enough money so the words broke, layaway, overdue, or postdated check isn’t in MY vocabulary.

I want to be a sister to my sister.

A woman wise when choosing my mate or a date.

I want to be able to cook greens, barbecue chicken, macaroni and cheese, cornbread, a peach cobbler and a lemon pound cake all at the same time.

I want to come back a BLACK WOMAN with self-esteem, worthy of being treated like a QUEEN by my King.

A woman with patience, love, and wisdom for children.

A BLACK WOMAN with subscriptions to Essence, Jet, Ebony, Black Enterprise, and the Wall Street Journal.

I want to come back a BLACK WOMAN with at least one great diamond from the Motherland on my finger.

I want to come back with the quiet courage of Rosa Parks,
the voice of Ella Fitzgerald,
the political courage of Ida B. Wells,
the determination of Harriet Tubman,
the spiritual poise of Susan L.Taylor,
the business savvy of Oprah Winfrey,
the eloquence of Dr. Maya Angelou,
and be the author of bestseller books like Iyanla Vanzant.

I want to come back as a BLACK WOMAN, who can stay focused on GOD regardless of the circumstances.

I want to be SAVED from the penalty of sin.

I want to never let what a person says or do change my demeanor.

I want to be humble, and to love and be loved unconditionally.

I want skin that is flawless and soft, eyes of discernment, and lips that speak ONLY the truth.

I want hands of gentleness and feet of prosperity.

I want to be a lawyer to enforce the laws which man has broken.

If reincarnation is real, please let me come back as a BLACK WOMAN!!!”

staying encouraged…

The past few weeks have been rough, but I’ve been making it. Thank you so much to all of you who have been praying for me and dropping words of encouragement. It has helped so much and I truly appreciate it. Despite the obvious situation, it seems that the devil is also busy at work. At any rate, God has been faithful and is in the process of restoring my heart, my mind, and my zeal. Here are some things that have helped me to stay encouraged:

“Temptations, hidden snares often take us unawares, And our hearts are made to bleed for a thoughtless word or deed; And we wonder why the test when we try to do our best,But we’ll understand it better by and by…By and by, when the morning comes, When the saints of God are gathered home, We’ll tell the story how we’ve overcome, For we’ll understand it better by and by…”
~We’ll Understand it Better By and By

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul…Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul…It is well, it is well, with my soul.”
~It is Well with My Soul

“My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.”
~ Colossians 2:2-5

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us…And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?…Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?…No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
~Romans 8:18, 28-31, 35, 37-39

“You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written: ‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’ So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way”
~Romans 14:10-13

“I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people.”
~Romans 16:17-18

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
~Hebrews 12:1-3

attempting to manage my grief

“I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.”
~Morgan Freeman, The Shawshank Redemption

It’s with those thoughts from one of my favorite movies that I write about how I’m managing (or rather, not managing) the grief that I feel from my grandmother’s death. In a lot of ways I’m still in shock. It’s still very hard to believe that she’s not here. I suppose this will be an uphill battle, and I’m definitely having good days and bad days. The worst days are when something good happens, or when I just want to talk and I have to remind myself that I can’t call her anymore.

I know that it would have been selfish for me to ask God to prolong her stay on earth despite what His plan was, and how she may have been feeling. But in a lot of ways I feel frustrated- particularly with my family- who didn’t tell me the extent of her sickness because they didn’t want me to worry. I feel that I was cheated of opportunities to talk to her, or even see her sooner than I did. I trust God and His plan- but I can’t help but feel frustrated, confused, and even alone in this situation. I feel that I’m at a point that has the potential to be very defining- my desire to do things has diminished. I don’t want to finish school, I don’t really want to work- staying at home and eating cereal while watching Cosby Show and Gilmore Girls reruns seems like the ultimate plan, and the only thing that I’m really excited about. Nothing “newsworthy” seems that exciting to me (hence the lack of updates of this blog), and for the first time in a while, I just feel blah. Nothing REALLY matters to me.

So yeah…that’s where I’m at. Y’all pray for me…I don’t know whether I’m coming or going…

In Honor of My Grandmother

For those of you who weren’t aware, my grandmother became pretty ill on July 3, and passed away on July 8. I’ve been at home with family for the last week dealing with the loss and taking care of business. Thank you for your prayers and for your encouragement during this time. I was initially placed on the program to make remarks at my grandmother’s funeral, which was yesterday, but there was a sudden change; and I was removed from the program. Here are the remarks that I had written:

I have been instructed, encouraged, and strongly admonished to be brief in these remarks. I’ll contend that these remarks will be, as a woman’s skirt, long enough to be appropriate, yet short enough to keep your attention.

On this day, it is extremely difficult to find enough words to truly express what my grandmother, Mrs. Mildred Eleanor Roberts Davis has meant to us.

I believe my grandmother to be a truly phenomenal woman. She lived a full life of conviction and purpose. Not without her own faults, as we all have, she used everyday as I believe that God would want us all to do: as a chance to start afresh at what He has set out for us to do.

My grandmother taught me a great deal about life. Most importantly, she taught me about being proud of your family; about who you are and where you come from. I’m sure that most of you have witnessed this—as she was always speaking proudly of the things that were being accomplished within her family. I’m quite certain that more of you know more about me than I could possibly know about you—but that was the type of woman that she was. Very proud of each of us, and she wanted to share that joy with you.

My grandmother also taught me about what it meant to serve others. Even as her health declined, she still found ways to give of herself- whether it was her time, her waning energy, or her joy. I am thoroughly amazed at the variety of avenues that she found to serve others; working in this church, in her community with the food bank, or taking time to help educate young people; either within her profession, or through the summer day camp that she conducted at this church for years with my late grandfather.

Today is the day that we get to truly celebrate the well-lived life of Mrs. Mildred Eleanor Roberts Davis. On this day, we give praise to you for your encouragement, as you guided us with love and nurtured us with your caring spirit.

On this day, we give praise to you for teaching us that mediocrity was never acceptable, as you pushed us outside of our comfort zones into worlds that we could have never imagined for ourselves.

On this day, we give praise to you, for demonstrating to us that we are never too old to accomplish our dreams, and for showing us that there is absolutely no substitute for faith in God and tenacity to work at what He sets our hearts to do.

On this day, we give praise to you for the battles you fought and the sacrifices you made so that we could live lives that we had never imagined for ourselves, but that you dreamed of for us.

On this day, we give praise to you for dedicating your life to encouraging precocious and excited young people who just needed an opportunity to exhibit their talents and intelligence to the world.

To our loved ones and friends from far and near- we thank you for your prayers, your cards, your visits, and your calls. All have encouraged and uplifted us in this time. To those who are here today, we thank you for joining us as we celebrate this woman whom we all loved so very much.

To my family, I believe that my grandmother would want us to be encouraged by the following verses from Colossians 2:2-5:

“My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in who are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.”

It is my hope that each of us will be comforted by the knowledge that my grandmother was a great servant for the Lord, and that she has been reunited with him. I believe that she anxiously awaits the day that we can each be reunited with her. It is my sincere prayer that we follow in the words of Paul as he speaks to the believers in Thessalonica, saying in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, 16 “Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing…be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Let us stay close to each other, and even closer to God in this time which is difficult for each of us.

In Honor of my Grandmother, Mrs. Mildred Eleanor Roberts Davis

August 20, 1935 – July 8, 2006

Being a black man is stressful…

…as it was reported in this article on MSNBC.com. Finding articles such as these often makes me nervous, because I’m always curious to see how the ideas/perceptions that the authors/interviewers have about their subject are expressed in their writing. After reading the article; however, it made me think a lot about how I perceive black men and the stresses that they endure in today’s society. As a black woman, it’s very interesting to actually hear and/or read about some of what black men endure. Yes, we know about some of it through our own personal experiences and exposure to black men, but I really liked the way the article expressed the ideas. Following the reading, I thought of two quotes from two very eloquent Black writers/thinkers/scholars: W.E.B. DuBois and Ralph Ellison.

In his classic literary work, Invisible Man , initially published in 1947, Ralph Ellison describes the invisibility that he felt; something that I feel that all African Americans can identify with, and something that might currently be very poignant with black men:

“I am an invisible man…I might even be said to possess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me. Like the bodiless heads you see sometimes in circus sideshows, it is as though I have been surrounded by mirrors of hard distorting glass. When they approach me they only see my surroundings, themselves, or figments of their imagination—indeed everything and anything except me.”

Simultaneously, I feel that the noted African American scholar, W.E.B. DuBois sufficiently describes the experience African Americans and their history in America, but also now more than ever, the experience of black men in his prominent work The Souls of Black Folk, saying,

“It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always having to look at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his twoness,–an American, a Negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder. The history of the American Negro is the history of this strife,–this longing to attain self-conscious manhood, to merge his double self into a better and truer self. In this merging he wishes neither of the other selves to be lost. He would not Africanize America, for America has too much to teach the world and Africa. He would not bleach his Negro soul in a flood of white Americanism, for he knows that Negro blood has a message for the world. He simply wishes to make it possible for a man to be both a Negro and an American, without being cursed and spit upon by his fellows, without having the doors of Opportunity closed roughly in his face.”

That said, it could be that the primary issue that black men face is one of perception. How others perceive them (invisibility) and how they perceive themselves (double-consciousness). So…let’s sound off. From the black men, does the article hit home with some of the stresses that you face? Do you feel that black women are understanding of the stresses and struggles that you face? What do you wish the article had included/excluded?